My Joy was lost for a moment

This is my Life: My Joy was Lost for a Moment

Let's just say I have no idea what I'm doing.  Our six year old is our easy one. He's our sweet, kind, loving, caring, obedient child.  Yes, he has slip ups, all children do, if he didn't, I'd also be confused.  But, nothing major!  Where has my child gone????

That's all I kept saying this morning "Where has my Connor gone and can you please bring him back?"

That was (as was everything else this morning), followed by a disrespectful response from my oldest son. He's SIX!  We had a good run, I'll say that if we need to find some silver lining. (which I do)

If this was an uncommon occurrence, I'd leave it up to a bad nights sleep and crankiness. We all get those days for sure! But, it's not. 

Keeping my patience and my speech in return, in line, is one of the hardest "skills" for me as a Mom.  I use "skills" in quotes because it has definitely been a learned behavior for me.  I have to continually pray to Jesus in these moments and ask that He controls me because I KNOW I can't do it alone. 

My son tells me this morning that he "saves his respectful good behavior for school".  I told him that is not fair. As much as I love that you are respectful and obedient at school, the same needs to happen in our home.  "This is your family and we love you, we want to have happy moments with you, not continuous moments of correction".  He looks at me with a snide look.   The looks are HALF the battle let me tell you.  This boy can say so much with his face, it's ridiculous.

I remember I thought three was the hardest age.  They always said terrible twos!  But three was definitely our hardest with both our oldest and middle and oh no! Who knows with our youngest.  But it's a different kind of hard.  Three tests boundaries, and with boys, I have found it's more of a physical defiance than a defiance of hurting with their words.  For instance, our youngest diving off our bed and ruining his gorgeous teeth (Yes, baby teeth, but still!) climbing on EVERYTHING and anything, being too aggressive with their brothers, breaking windows, or anything for that matter. (Keep in mind, I haven't raised a girl yet! They just seem more verbally defiant earlier on rather than feel the need to destroy! ) But, at six, they can hurt with their words. 

I was just so discouraged this morning.  I don't like looking at any of my children with a long feeling of disappointment.  I don't get where we are going wrong?  Or if we are going wrong?  Is it outside influences?  I don't think so because we get amazing reports on all our children.  Are my husband and I being not being good examples? Are we not disciplining appropriately?  Does my son feel lost? Does he not feel heard?  Why is he frustrated?  We are a happy family, He is a happy boy, we have fun together, we love each other., most importantly we love Jesus.   I don't get what is happening.  These were my flooded emotions this morning.

I feel like the whole ride I just prayed for clarity on how to help him (and me) as well as safe travels because the roads were not great this morning.  The car ride he was fine.  That's what gets so confusing.  

One moment he's saying I should have asked to use his humidifier last night ( I know right, I literally had to explain to him how Dad and I bought the humidifier to help him during the winter and that it's actually ours and we are using it to care for HIM, but our room was really dry.  Oiy! deep breaths )  The next we're laughing at the fact that I had to try five different streets to get up to Jamison's school this morning in the snow.  It seems like it's a battle for authority and thinking he's far older than he actually is. Yes, I've heard this and many parents would say it's very common.  Have I mentioned I strongly dislike "common".  lol

I will say this.  I am so blessed by the community of Mom's I have.  I love so much that I can vent to some of my other Mom's from church and they support me, encourage me, sympathize with me.  Here are some things they said this morning.  

"I find six to be a challenge too.  Lots of correcting attitude and trying to reach their heart.  My prayer the past few weeks is for God to show me how to teach, love and speak life into (her sons) life so His fruit will shine through. Sometimes I feel like I don't see the fruit at all and instead I see and hear lots of attitude.  It truly is a daily battle. ..You are not alone".  --

I'm not alone.  I'm not alone.  I'm not ruining my child's life?  PHEW!  In these tough parenting moments, that is how I feel.  I feel lost and alone.  Especially with your first, you have no idea what you are doing!  Everything is a new experience.  

"It will get better by 9! 6-8 was tough, he (her son), definitely still has his moments, but keep plugging and being intentional and you will see fruit"   "Parenting is hard no matter what age, and it's VERY discouraging at times, but God is faithful :) "

That leaves me another three years dear friend!!! haha.  But, at least there is a light.  Here's the thing, I have an amazing son.  He is a joy in so many different ways, I think that's why this season of his life hurts more because I know what is truly in there. We have seen his true heart, we know his love and desire to love Jesus.  The other night, we were having an issue with our water heater and as Connor was praying at bedtime, he prayed for help fixing the stuff that is broken. His heart is so big.  To just continue to make it shine through, it's just a tough tough time. P.S.  The water heater was fine the next day! 

"The more I chat with parents of kids of all ages (0-25) the more I realize it never gets easier! The challenges just change.  Good thing God equipped us with what we need to train them up in His ways!

I told her as I was chatting with Jesus this morning under my breathe, making their lunches, I kept saying to Him, I know you trust me with this little boy, but please control MY emotions. Show me how to love this little boy through this little boy that is talking to be right now.  That's a huge part of the problem.  I get emotionally involved (well yah, what Mom doesn't???), but to separate myself from myself and be all he needs in those tough moments, that's where I need my Jesus to equip me in loving "our" child.  

There was much more encouragement that came my way and it helped clear my head from the lies that we were being put there. 

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. {John 10:10}"


I have to keep telling myself to listen to the One who gives us our Joy, Gives us our life, not the one who is trying to point out my flaws, make me feel awful, getting me more upset at my son, putting a wall up, and stealing my motherhood. Sorry! That's not going to happen.  I'm a happy happy (yes sometimes annoyingly) person,  this is all I've ever prayed for and wanted was to be a Mom and Regardless of how hard it is, I will do all I can to get that beautiful smile back on my sons face and joy shining in his heart.  

So some encouragement for you parents out there.  If you are feeling this way, if you are having a battle of the attitudes in your home, you are not alone, you are not a bad parent.  YOU GOT THIS.  Press into HIS word and all the strength, patience, love and wisdom you need is there for you.   that's also for me too :) :)