Fear

This is my Life: Struggling with Fear

This is Connor when he was 3 days old.  3 days new and how could you not have fear.  It's so scary when you are released from the hospital as new parents and sent home.  You don't have the doctors or nurses right there with you anymore.  It's all YOU. On your own. Parents. 

When I was pregnant with Connor, I struggled with fear everywhere.  I feared for the world I was bringing him into.  I remember sitting on the floor of our apartment and watching the primaries and bawling my eyes out because I was so afraid of raising him in a world like this.  I was afraid of everything he was going to have to encounter.  I was afraid to leave the house.  Not an extensive fear but I mean look at him.  He's so new and beautiful and I Just wanted to remain in my safe home and snuggle him all day long.
                         They do not fear bad news; they confidently trust the 
                                       Lord to care for them. Psalm 112:7


I feared he wasn't getting enough milk.  I was nursing Connor, my first baby at the age of 22 and I had no idea what I was doing.  A support system is huge when you are starting to nurse and it was a struggle.  I doubted myself and I doubted my milk.  Why would I doubt this???? Milk is a natural thing God put there and it's free!!!! Needless to say, about a week in, despite the pain and surrounding struggles, I was gaining confidence in being a nursing Mom.  Now it's a passion of mine :)
                          I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from
                                                    all my fears. Psalm 34:4


Now my fears are bigger.  With the world we live in, I periodically get rushes of fear when I'm dropping Connor off at school.  With all the shootings at schools, how could you not be fearful? Sometimes after I drop him off, I'll pull over in the parking lot and just pray the Lord is present in his school and pray for protection over the school and everyone!  I give it all to Him. 
                          This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid
              or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

 I am fearful on days where there is bad weather and Anthony has to drive to Mass for work, even some days that feeling will hit me randomly even on a normal weather day.  Fear my children will be taken by someone, fear my children will get sick. It can consume you and has consumed me.  But it doesn't have to be like that!!!

The BIGGEST ONE: I was fearful for my children.  For their health,  for their lives.  WHY??? This past summer, I'm sure most of you can recall, we were in Boston with Connor quite often due to recurring fever and leg pains and no one could figure out what was wrong.  Lots of blood work, tests, xrays and NOTHING. Yet my son was getting fevers of 104 if not higher every other weekend, waking up crying because he was hurting.   I felt helpless.  You know why? Because I am.  I can do all that I can do in the flesh, I can give him the Tylenol, I can put the cold cloth on his head, I can hold him in my arms and comfort him, but what is that all doing if I am not Trusting the One that can help him and heal him.  It was a huge awakening.  At our church, we do what is called "dedicating" our children to God.  We stand before our church and proclaim that we will be raising our child of faith and love for Jesus.  I did the act of this, but I did not completely TRUST.  It brings me back to the story of Abraham and Issac.  I get so emotional whenever I read it because I could not fathom what that felt like.  We love our children so much, more than life itself, would lay down our lives and sacrifice everything.  You know what, SO DID HE!!!! And let me tell you this, we then had pastors at our church lay hands on Connor and since that moment, a moment I cried and cried because I realized that I was not trusting the whole time (total Mom failure), he has not had a fever or episode since!!! Praise report right :) It was a huge lesson for me and a trial I realized why I had to go through it.  


My point is, what does fear do? Do you see all those times I feared, I was losing my joy. 
The LORD is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid?  Psalm 27:1  Fear is the enemy getting a nice foot in the door and taking away the joys of our lives that we are suppose to be experiencing and seeing the good in our lives and giving thanks.  Not worrying about everything that could be!  How something can take your focus away from something so beautiful, it controls our minds and steals those moments of joy. 

Cute side note: Jamison was playing with the Firehouse the boys got for Christmas (boy version of a dollhouse) and there are bunk beds for the fireman.  He had the fireman laying there and I hear him saying "well I'm scared" then his reply as the other fireman was "You don't need to be scared, you have Jesus in your heart". (something we told them regularly at bedtime).  He is three and is whispering this as he plays by himself. 

Even if you are not a Christian, this can still happen in your lives.  If you think about all the things that could happen instead of being in the now and enjoying your life, you get stripped of happiness.

Fear not :)  I don't know about you, but I choose JOY!