Life of a Mama in her Yoga Pants

I want to start this off by saying I absolutely love my life and don't want it to get misconstrued with how hard being a stay at home Mom is.  I would never (Ok maybe some days) change my life for anything.  I get to raise, shape, kiss, see milestones, hug, hold, discipline, teach, teach them about our Savior, clean the children I (we) brought into this world.  

Summer with my babies

Over the years I feel like so much honor has been lost for the homemaker. There is this idea that stay at home Mom's get to stay home and the children are raising themselves.  Or the comments "Ooo now two are in school, what are you going to do now only having two home". Funny right?  Only having two home,bah! They are the toughest two!  My third born is like ten kids, if not more, in one little person.  Or the "Your husband must make a lot of money".  For most families that have a stay at home Mom, often times, money is tight.  You have to budget and budget well because you are living on one income. It's a sacrifice and one very well worth it and I don't think will ever be regretted!  

When I survive a day, or get the kids out of the house for school without any grumbling, lunches packed, everyone happy....I want to high five myself and treat myself with a yummy coffee. I feel like I "deserve" it.  In reality I probably do ( I do), but I have to reel it in. Being home requires sacrifice.  Whether it be, no cable, no shopping, no hair appts, no extra curricular, etc. Every family has their guidelines in place and for an important reason.  Not just to assure there is no over spending, but to allow for the parent to raise the children.

How many other jobs require so much of someone in such a vast array of requirements.  Laundry, dishes, floors, picking up toys, cleaning bathrooms,  bandage bumps and bruises while consoling and comforting,colds, sanitize the house after explosive diapers or accidents and stomach bugs, clean the house (all day long, over and over), keep track of schedules, doctor/dentist appointments, park or sport outings, teach kids and help with homework, keep children alive and fed well, grocery shop. It's so hard as a stay at home mom to not get consumed by house work, at least for me it is.  I wish I could be a Mama that can sit and entertain my children all day long and not focus on the "work". But, the dishes have flashing neon lights above them, the laundry is screaming your name, the toilets and floors are shaking. It's an endless cycle. 

My kitchen sink this morning...it doesn't look bad but it's deep!

Folded five loads of laundry, with another in the washer and dryer...and that front pile not so organized because sweet Nathan kept running into it. Hi Violet!

Not to mention...we truly NEVER get a break.  To even get my teeth cleaned, I have to involve other people to help me with my children. Or Dr.s appointments, OBGYN, kids are in tow. Sick time? Nope. Lunch break? Nope. Bathroom break? Nope. Car rides? haha no no.  Although I do love the van because my kiddies are restrained :)  Keeping it real!   My mind is constantly stimulated with no down time.  The moment the kids go to bed, it's wife time.  I'm exhausted but I am still a wife to my husband and I was a wife before I was a mother.   As hard, HARD, as it can be after grueling days, we need to stay connected with our husbands.  Our children won't always be there and staying connected and in love with your spouse, is HUGE!  (I'm preaching to myself here too!)

There are definitely moments where I take my life for granted.  It's sad but true.  The moments where my child touches the iron, or my hair gets pulled for the millionth time. I get bit while nursing. The bathroom gets flooded into the hallway, leaks to the downstairs and we have to repair the ceiling.  Countless behavior corrections, usually for the same offense. Over and Over and Over.  Sibling quarreling.  Oh.the.quarreling.  I go from sun up to sun down Mondays and Wednesdays solo and it's tough!  You sometimes just want to scream into a pillow.  I see pictures of my friends getting their hair done and I think "Maybe I should do something to my hair?".  

I get to soak and love moments such as this

Take time for myself?  I truly do not take time for myself and I know that I should.  I do know that I should.  But, that would require me leaving my husband with our four children.  He is more than capable, but my wife heart feels guilty because he's at work all day too.  Would be different if he were golfing 18 holes, but he's at work too and has stressors of his own and being the head of our household.  Maybe something I need to get over? Perhaps over time :) 

I'll leave you with this.

I truly know this is where the Lord has me and is my calling...but it's hard! Very hard.  But I am forever blessed by my days through all the ups and downs, the JOY shines through right when I need it most!

Our First Camping Adventure

This is my Life: First Camping Adventure with our Four Babes

I was one of those anti camping people.  And you read "was", I still kind of am, but totally get it.  I didn't understand why anyone would want to pack up their house and go sleep in the woods.  Really rough it. I like a shower, toilet, electricity (for my fan), no bugs, comfy bed, etc.  But, after our little adventure, I do understand about 79% why!  As I'm checking in there are instructions on what to do if you encounter a black bear because they are sited often.  Awesome!  First one is to move slowly and talk in a calm soft voice.  Because I'm sure that would be the average persons first reaction to a bear joining in on their fun.  bahah, nope!

This was our itinerary for the weekend.  Of course we chose Super Hero Weekend!!  When we chose a campground, we wanted something really interactive. With three a.c.t.i.v.e boys, we needed something fun and entertaining.  Entertainment without technology.  Was so fun!  This campground had it all.  It had a Cafe on site, which was nice in case we forgot something or just wanted to pop down for lunch or a random snack (ice cream).  Had an arcade, awesome pool!.   The Candy Bar Bingo was awesome.  Jamison won first place one game and Connor won second place another out of probably 150 people .  They went up on stage...it was adorable.  Jamison was nervous to yell Bingo!  They made tie dye shirts, which was the perfect keep sake!  Was truly just wonderful family time spent and much needed!  We had no cell service, no technology and it was back to true family basics. Loved it! 

Connor on stage collecting his candy bar prize!

We put up our tent which wasn't too bad. Got an easy pop up no assembly one because we always encounter issues with new things. haha.  We bought an 8 person tent because we figured, our children are only going to get bigger and will be the size of men before we know it.  So, we will need the room and it's a good thing we did.   We got the boys their own air mattresses and we have our air mattress.  I did have to order myself a sleeping bag which literally was like wrapping in a parachute!  And of course a battery operated fan!  We did have electric at our site, but couldn't have a cord running out of our tent.  Boys loved doing smores of course! A fun camping favorite by all I'm sure!

We enjoyed some fun pool time our first day there because we heard Saturday was going to be rainy.  It was sunny, so we hopped right in our suits to make the most of the pool.  The bummer about this trip was, Nathan had just gotten over a virus and Jamison progressively got worse as the day went on.  I did pack our Tylenol because you just never know.  So, once that kicked in, he was a little better, but he wasn't our normal fishy Jamison so it was sad to not see him have a blast like we know he could have!  Connor and Nathan loved the pool.  Even on Rainy Saturday, Connor and Jamison went back in and oddly were not the only children in there! 

Could you please take some pictures with me in them too so it's like I am here? Thanks!

Now the sleep you are probably wondering about!  As we know with most things, our first time doing anything with our children is always the most challenging.  But, we believe the more you expose your children too and experience with them, the better behaved they are.  For instance, grocery shopping or eating out for dinner.   Yes, I crazily grocery shop with my four children, but I do it so often, that they know my expectations to get us in and out as quickly as possible.  That's not saying they are complete angels every time and we don't have moments of bad behavior, they are children 7 and under!  Comes with the territory.  But, they are great non the less.  So, they were rambunctious (could be construed as excitement???)  as we were getting ready for bed.  (Our site was right next to the bathrooms, which was perfect.  Very nice bathrooms and showers.) 
They were bouncing from bed to bed and chatty mcgees as we were trying to pray and hit the hay.  Anthony passed right out.  I told him I'm actually jealous of how quickly he can fall asleep.  The boys finally did fall asleep as did Violet.  Around probably 11, it started to down pour...this oddly was my FAVORITE part.  The noise was wonderful and it was so peaceful.  Anthony said you can't  have peace with noise, but I kindly disagree :)  I didn't sleep that well, but when have I lately?  The extra rain noise was nice to drown out when Violet would wake up. Everyone slept until 730, the only one who woke up was Jamison at 330 telling me he saw a bear outside waving to him. hahaha.  He cracks me up.   
Since everything was wet outside when we woke up, we went into town to have breakfast at a diner.  At breakfast we decided we should probably head home and not stay the extra night.  Jamison wasn't feeling well and wanted to go home and being a cold rainy day,  would probably get a little too chilly for Violet at night.  
It was a packed (no pun intended ahaha) two days, but great memories and we are going to go back every year.  The children ride their bikes all around, there's fishing, basketball, a nice park, horse shoes, a natural pool, and much more!  All the families we talked to were so sweet!
So, I can officially say that I like Camping.  Being a Mom of three boys, outdoor activities I think come with the territory and although I'm naturally energetic and like the outdoors, camping was not my fort-ay.  When you see your children purely enjoying their lives, simply by sleeping outside and cooking some smores over a fire, there's no other place I'd ever want to be.  

As we were driving home, Anthony said, it's not a vacation with children.  It's not.  As parents, relaxing doesn't really come with vacationing.  If anything, it's the complete opposite because you are in a new environment and lack of boundaries is everywhere. Can only get better from here right?? BUT, I'm so grateful for my favorite guy.  I love sharing new adventures with him.  Not only are they new adventures for our whole family, but for Anthony and I.  I love doing life with him and seeing how we handle new adventures ourselves! 

To next year!

What's life like with four kids you ask?

This is my Life:  What's life like with four kids you ask?

 

It's like this! haha.  It's everything.  It's beautiful.  It's chaotic.  It's hilarious.  It's emotional.  It's precious.  It's stressful.  It's exhausting.  It's love.  It's messy. It's fulfilling.  It's loud.  It's perfect. 

Had I written this blog yesterday, it probably would have been emotional and a little moody because as some may have seen, our Nathan wasn't feeling well.  In those moments are when I think...ohhh when people ask me how life with four is?  I should mention the evenings when one or two wake up.  A few nights after being home after Violet was born, a meal didn't agree with Nathan's belly and he was throwing up...We were thrown right into the life haha. 

First let me start by saying...the Bible says that the Lord blesses us with our hearts desires (Psalm 37:4).  I don't think I even knew I desired having a daughter.  I always said I wanted four boys. I LOVE being a boy mom!!  But, I needed this little girl probably as much as she needs me.  She brings such a pure completion to our home.  If our home could smile on the outside, the moment she entered, it would have!  (lol cheesey but true).   We all adore her and I truly love the feeling of having a companion.  Talking to another girl about the stinky boys :) It's cute and fun!  

Obviously it has it's moments of just p.u.r.e exhaustion.  Violet still wakes up one or two times a night to nurse.  It's not the type of thing where, as other nursing mother's know, you aren't sitting there asleep (or maybe you are lol).  You are tired, but you are awake.  You have to burp and change diapers then get them back to sleep.  This all takes about a half hour if not more.  Then have to get yourself back to sleep. Fortunately, after years of sleep deprivation, I can function pretty well on at  5 or 6 hours of sleep.  But, when one of our boys is having a hard time, whether Connor's in one of his flares with fevers, Jamison needs to pee or Nathan with his ear....on top of nursing, I felt like a zombie yesterday.  

But, these evenings are rare and that is what's so beautiful.  Yes, those bad nights can seem to over ride the beauty that is having four kids, but I won't let it ;)  These moments...

 Over ride it all!  I'm not going to lie, it has it's definite hard times!  If I'm by myself, like when we went Jordan's furniture and Connor was doing the ropes course,  Violet of course, exploded..so as I'm changing her diaper on my legs, Connor and Jamison are at the ages where they will sit nice and stay close with their friends, but Nathan books it.  Thankfully I had a friend with me to help!  It was also stressful When Connor was high on the ropes course, I was worried about him, I'm walking around the smaller ropes course with Nathan keeping and eye on Jamison ahead of him and Violet in the ergo (carrier) screaming at me.  Or when we're trying to get the boys all bathed and ready for bed and Violet is just screaming bloody murder at us. Or when the boys are having a disagreement and then Violet is crying.  I need ear plugs!  See, it's pure bliss right ? ;)  But, as with all kids, it's all in phase.  I know Violet will outgrow the "scream at me about everything" phase, I know Nathan will outgrow the "don't listen to a word my mom says" phase.  I know Connor will outgrow the "I'm an adult now I can make my own decisions" phase and I know Jamison will outgrow the "moan when I cry" phase.   Then before I know it, Anthony and I will be driving on some trip with our family as teenagers laughing about all of the above with our children who will probably all be taller than me. 

Anthony and I, both, are not the type to not take adventures or do stuff with our children.  We won't let having four kids stop us from going out to dinner, or to a park, or anything really.  Our theory is, the more we expose them to these types of situations, the better they will understand how they are to obey and act.   We've gone out to dinner four or five times now as a family of six, yes, we chose loud restaurants until they learn, so we don't disrupt other people...but we make it through :) 

It's crazy beautiful.  I would never recommend to someone to not have a large family because of any of the above..I'd probably recommend it because of the above.   It makes life fun! 

Things that change? Well we already had the mini van!....We usually have to use two carts now if we attempt to shop...we probably will start to get excluded from gatherings (lol just kidding)...The laundry legit doesn't end, I thought it was bad before, nope! I can no longer just say "the boys" it's now "the kids" ...dinners are louder...hard to find someone to watch FOUR children...but doesn't this sound fun?!?  I hope so!

The difficult thing for me as been to balance it all.  Of course, my children constantly see me holding Violet because I feed her and because she's a baby.  This has been hardest on Nathan since he was just that for me a short couple months ago.  The more time that passes, the better he seems, but I have to make sure I'm deliberate about showing him a great amount of affection and attention.   A lot of positive reinforcement and affirmation as that seems to be his love language.  Connor and Jamison of course do great.  They had already gone through welcoming Nathan at a young age and I watch the other children which helps!  They are very patient and understanding.  We try to keep the routine and family stuff we do together the same which I think is important and helps the balance of it all.  

Then, then next thing that I find most important and look forward too is taking time for myself and time with Anthony.  I will straight out admit this has been my hardest struggle. That seems next to impossible right now.  I miss reading!!!! Between being home all day with the kids and other kids...Anthony's new schedule leaves me alone until 6, then baths, bed times and then I'm still a wife at the end of it all. The moment my head gets to that pillow, I'm gone. But,  I was a wife before I was a mother.  I try so hard to remember that and remember the deep importance of it.  It's probably one of the hardest balances next to balancing four children.  But, it all levels out eventually and I see the rhythm coming!   Sadly, right now, the times I get to have most contact with my husband is when we're in the car and all the children are restrained.  I can hold his hand, rub his neck, kiss him, all without being pulled on.  Might be yelled at by a child, but I've learned to tune that out pretty well at this point :) 

Obviously it's amazing...and having three boys and then a little girl comes with tons of sweetness and tender love that's just...ahh..I'm just grateful I can capture so much of it!

 

Welcoming Violet Bea

This is my Life:  Welcoming Violet Bea

It's been along time since I've blogged...but I have a valid excuse right?  And yes, I know I have to change the name of my blog now! 

We welcomed our fourth baby, Violet Bea.   She completes our family more than my words could ever express.  She's absolutely beautiful and I think the diapers are easier (I've heard lots think boys are easier...no no). This may get a little long so bare with me!


Violet was born March 25 and was 6lbs 13oz and 21"long.  I was just as shocked as I'm sure most people were at just how tiny she was.  Nathan was 8lbs 11oz and was almost two weeks early!  Violet went the full 40 weeks (another shocker!).  1. She's a lady 2. Mama didn't sit at all this pregnancy! 3.  Mama also didn't get to eat as many peanut M&M's as she did with brother Nathan either! haha. 

The Delivery was emotional to say the least.  First, I knew I was finally in active labor so I called asking what they'd like me to do as my schedule c-section was in 12 hours.  My water did not break, but I had had contractions for roughly two weeks and they finally were stronger and less than five minutes apart.  I called and my doctor, yes, that's right!  My OB was actually ON CALL!  He has not delivered any of my children and to say I adore this man may be an understatement.  I call my mom to come on over (also her last time getting this call!) She arrives and Anthony makes himself a bagel as I'm standing at the door ready to go have a baby.  Also remember, this was when my whole family was sick, so Anthony thinks he could have a fever and conjunctivitis lol. Great!
We arrived at the hospital after Anthony eats! and had to be buzzed into the hospital as it was after hours.  We walked up and we talked about how this will be our last time walking in and taking the elevator, walking past the gift shop, up to the maternity floor, emotional right?  

 As we got welcomed by the nurses, my doctor is sitting there on the computer and he jokes "just watching a youtube video on how to deliver a baby by cesarean".  He's seriously the best!! So, they check me, monitor my contractions and all agree I'm in active labor and all the prepping began.  They put in my IV, which is such an awful experience for me.  Once that was finally over, I walked into the OR and Anthony waited in the waiting room until they called him in.  He doesn't get to come in until they are ready to actually begin the surgery.  The spinal and prep I do alone.  Sad I know! ehh. 
So, after spinal and everything starts to numb up, my Dr. gets some Journey playing and it was just one of the best experiences I've ever had.  My anesthesiologist was also amazing. So sweet talking to me about his son and just taking such great care of me and his genuine concern.  Ashish (my Dr.) was doing great.  I actually didn't have much shaking during this surgery.  It wasn't until I was in my room that my shaking got really bad.  So, that was nice.  Lots of tugging and pulling and then up above the sheet so I could see was my beautiful daughter.  I instantly saw Jamison.  I couldn't believe this was the last time I was going to be doing this.  Just seems normal at this point for Anthony and I to be doing this every two years...now we won't be.  I had my tubes removed (which I could smell this..very weird) so the surgery took a little longer and I guess my abs had separated so he repaired those as well.  As I laid there looking at Violet across the room, I started to cry.  Happy tears and some not so happy tears.  I don't want to call them sad tears because I wasn't sad necessarily, was just an odd feeling knowing this part of my life was complete.  This was it.  After I was closed up, Ashish came and kissed me on the cheek and told me I did excellent.  So special and I can't describe how wonderful it felt to finally share in this experience with him too.  Anthony and I wanted to get him a little something as well being our last hoorah.  He went to UNC for school, so we got him a UNC scrub cap and bow tie! :)


Once they sat me up to go to my room I started dry heaving and I couldn't remember the trip to our room. ..was a blur that I felt in and out of. 
Nursing went great from the start.  Lactation never came in to see me, cracks me up.  Always a painful start with the soreness and the absolutely horrendous cramps!!! Because we haven't been through enough already?  I don't take many pain meds, my pain didn't seem severe too me and I'd rather ride it out than keep taking medicine.  I honestly only took a Tylenol to help the cramping from nursing!  Sad that that overrides my abdominal surgery pain. The numbness takes a few hours to start wearing off.  They put these massaging cuffs around your calves to prevent blood clots.  Always painful to start getting up and moving which they had me doing the next evening but the quicker you start moving the better and quicker the recovery.  Once I can get up easier, I get my catheter out and get to bathe!  yay!  It feels so freeing the moment I know I'm not hooked up to anything.  

Anthony and the boys came the second night to have our first family dinner together.  It was wonderful but so hard at the same time.  It's just so hard when I can't really move around and have to be so careful with everyone near me and moving and not doing too much too soon when all I want to do is hold my children.  Hardest thing when you have three sons waiting for you let me tell you.  But, the boys absolutely adore her and I posted the video of the first moments they saw and met their baby sister...I often watch it. They are just so tender and sweet and love hard sometimes but all from a good place.  She's so lucky!

The second night, I think I've told some, but Violet turned literally Violet.  It was so scary.  She was laying next to me in her bassinet and I heard her doing this weird swallowing noise, and so I attempted to roll her over the best I could from my reach because I still couldn't really sit up on my own and I started to yell to Anthony that he needed to get her because something was wrong.  She looked darker to me.  So he came over and started suctioning her throat with the bulb syringe and told me to call a nurse.  I called and they RAN!  Scariest thing, they had her upside down suctioning and finally she got air and turned back to pink.  Needless to say I couldn't sleep.  Took me longer to get her into her bassinet at home because I was so scared from this and she spits up out her nose sometimes and that freaks me out too.  ahhh. stress! 

I do have to stay a minimum of three days.  I was savoring this stay, the peace, the food delivery, the fresh iced water in my water bottle always full, the me not having to raise my voice at anyone...this was my vacation for the time being!  The day we were getting released I was  feeling great and then attempted to go to the "bathroom". I used the quotes because you know what that means.  Oiy!  I had severe and by severe I mean....beyond extreme severe constipation.  I won't ever go into details about this and what had to be done...let's just say I'd rather have another c-section...Yes, that's right, it was that awful! Finally got home and our lives with four began!  also a shout out to nurses!!!! Underpaid indeed.  The nurses were the best and I'm going to miss those connections too.  We did fb after this delivery though which was nice!...stay tuned for how life with four is!

Not Your Normal "Week Before Baby" Story

This is my Life: The Humor in Exhaustion
Not your Normal "week before baby arrival" story

So, yes, I am going to have to change the name of my blog as of tomorrow!!! Finally.  I will be honest, I truly did not think I'd ever go the full 40 weeks with my fourth baby.  Especially when my last two were both almost two weeks early and I've been more active this pregnancy than ever in my life.  I liked the punctuality of my muffins.  But, we are told to trust God's timing.  Through pregnancy, I think that is one of the h.a.r.d.e.s.t things ever because the last few weeks, you just want to be done. But, this story will be a beautiful display of why!

The end: Your feet are sore, your back is sore, you are tired, your patience is becoming non existent. You clean WAY too much.  Well at least I have.  I'm pretty sure I've cleaned so much that my house has become "sterile" and that's why it has led to the humor in my exhaustion.

It's not funny when you're in it.  Last night I came close to bawling because I'm just like "ahhh are you kidding".  But, here's the time line of the past week of what has occurred. It's seriously going to seem unbelievable.  It could also make you chuckle or make you cry at the same time.  It has done both to me but looking at it, I'm so grateful I was not in the hospital and I was home to care for my boys.

The end of pregnancy, you hear, you need to rest.  Even my OB told me this.Yes, sounds absolutely delightful.  Lord knows I wish I could rest.  So March 13 was my last day with the children that I watch.  In my mind, Violet (our baby to be coming tomorrow!!!) would probably come the following week, I had my heart set on March 18th.  I was wrong. 
 
This week, just being my three sons, would be a week of "rest" for me.  Just to focus on them, get them where they need to be, etc.  Wrong again.  Connor started to have a sore throat Saturday night.  Sunday he had a mild one, but we went to church and he seemed fine.  The day progressed, we lounged at home and he started to say his throat hurt more.  (Also, This Sunday I started to have a lot of contractions, about 20 minutes apart and they last about 5-6 hours, so tiring).  We did the salt water gargle, some warm honey water, throat spray, the whole remedies list.  He woke up crying Monday morning with his leg pain.  If anyone remembers our Fall of 2013, we were in Boston a lot for his leg pains.  He hasn't had a flare up since that Fall and hasn't gotten sick apparently either. So, I called the doctor as well as our Chiropractor to help him.  He tested negative for Strep and the doctor still thinks it's something auto immune, just not sure what.  Advil helps control his discomfort.  Once it kicks in, hes fine.  Anyhow, we continued our home remedies until this little virus went away.  I was also waking up with a sore throat, who wouldn't? Our weather was 50 one day, then snowing the next. 

Jamison and Nathan both started to show cold symptoms as well, probably around Wednesday.  We do our garlic ear drops every night as well as humidifiers, and probiotics everyday etc.  Friday, Jamison was congested in his nose, but if I asked him to blow, he wouldn't want to and well, you can't make a nearly five year old blow their nose.  Nathan mind you, also has a cold, but just trying to maintain.  I get a call from Jamison's school Friday morning around 1015 that he has a low grade fever, that he could stay at school, they just wanted to let me know.  Obviously, I'd never leave my child at school not feeling well.  So, Nathan and I hop in the van to go pick him up.  He gets in the van, I watch him.  He doesn't look good.  We run into Walgreens so I can get more Advil and some other cold supplies for the kiddies.  We pull in home, I'm unlocking the front door, Jamison walks in and says "I have to puke".  Those awful words that are dreaded by every parent.  He makes it to the corner of our bathroom, not the toilet.  I first thought, stomach bug, but it definitely was a post nasal drip because the rest of the day, we blew his nose like crazy and he got so much out.  He won't argue with me about blowing his nose again.   As I'm on my hands and knees cleaning the throw up (picture 40 weeks pregnant, large belly), Nathan is standing behind me crying because he also doesn't feel well.  I text my husband to please pick Connor up from school at 320 because I wouldn't be able to leave the house with both Jamison and Nathan so sick.  

Kids are all in bed around 7pm.  Jamison walks in our room crying around 1030, and I'm trying to get my oompa loompa self up because I knew he was probably going to get sick again because he was laying down. Sure enough, all over my arm in my bed.  At this point, I'm just praying the Lord keeps Violet in there because I have all these children to care for.  Anthony starts stripping our bed as Jamison now is chatting my ear off as he takes a shower.  We get a nice clean bed and Jamison sleeps with us for the night.  

Side note:  Since the previous Sunday, I have contractions what seem all through the night, but nothing consistent. Needless to say, I'm not sleeping. 

Saturday now.  Nathan still has a cold, Jamison still has a cold, and Connor is getting "scratchy" again.   My Mom brought us soup which was lovely not having to prepare a meal as well and soup heals :)  

Sunday morning, Nathan's cough got awful over night, so we went to after hours that morning.  He had an ear infection and they put him on Amoxicilin.  Anthony had them peek in Jamison's ears just to make sure everything was going ok for him and sure even, the garlic drops, probiotics and adjustments twice a week are working beautifully for him.  PHEW!   

Monday morning, Anthony wakes up with Pink Eye.  Yes!!! You can laugh at this point.  I laughed too when he said it because I'm just shocked at this point. Not only can I NOT rest, the one person in the house that can actually help me, is now going to be out of commission.  Mind you, I don't ask for much.  Not personally at least.  No foot rubs, back rubs, etc.  Just physical stuff now that I can no longer do.  Or discipline, that's hard for me now too.  But, Anthony went to the doctor, got his meds and it then turned into a cold.  Now I have FOUR sick people in my house.  It's Monday and I'm having a baby on Thursday. Everyone is home from work and school mending and I'm trying to just keep my head on straight taking care of everyone and somehow not turn into the hulk myself because I'm exhausted.  This would be a lot for a non pregnant Mom and Wife, let alone, full term pregnant, baby practically hanging out. 

When it comes to a man being sick, my patience and compassion fly out the window.  I know that's awful. But, when I have a cold, no one stays home so I can lay in bed and rest all day.  No, I have to pop whatever meds I can to just take some edge off , continue about the day and care for all the children.  My two years doing childcare, I have not taken one day off because I was sick.  Cold or Pregnancy wise.  I just didn't see a point when I have three of my own that would still be needing me so I have to get up and get going regardless of how awful I felt.  So, you can imagine, when I already have three sick little boys needing me, to now have a husband out of commission...the Hulk is slowly rising.  And honestly, I feel bad if I am sick.  I know that the boys can be overwhelming at times and bed time can be tough some days, so I still like to pitch in as much as I can because I know the toll it takes to keep up with everything alone.


Deep breathe. Pray. Deep Breathe. Pray.


Well, I hope that makes you laugh as it does me now.  If you say it fast, it does bring about a chuckle because it's just sooo much all in a little over a weeks time to be dealing with when you're trying to take care of yourself , prepare yourself for having a major surgery and welcoming a new baby who will also be needing all of me.  All I can say is, Thank you Jesus and Violet for staying in there and letting me care for all these men that will want to love on you so much and hopefully can start to do so now that they are mending. Prayers would be appreciated that all stay healthy now!! please!!! :)

We are ready now baby Violet <3

How to Train your Hormones

This is my Life: How to Train your Hormones

So, lately via my posts on fb, I'm sure you know I'm a little obsessed with How to Train Your Dragon 2.  Yes, it's that good that I'm going to write an entire blog about it!  Just kidding ;)  Although I probably could.  This movie makes me cry almost every time, que hormone topic.

I'm on the home stretch of my fourth pregnancy.  Technically my fifth pregnancy, but fourth viable full pregnancy :)  I think the more you go through things, the more experience you incur, you notice much more each time.  For instance, how I have this beautiful baby girl growing inside of me, taking up all the little room we've got left together and the hormones that are helping her grow into her little beautiful baby self, are making me realize how different Pregnant Erica is from Normal Erica.  

You think I'd have it all figured out.  I will say, yes, I noticed my hormones through each pregnancy.  You know the wonderful men we share our lives with and the ones who helped make these little muffins? Well they are the ones who get to experience us in full effect.  For better or for worse right, in sickness and in health?

In fact, each pregnancy for me, has had different external factors, that have, I think played a large role in my the effects my hormones have outwardly.  For instance, ha, now thinking it might not be factual, but my husbands and I's greatest disagreements with each other have always been when I'm pregnant.  So, que the hormones.  When I'm not pregnant, we're pretty special and an awesome team! When I am pregnant, he can say a small thing that "normal Erica" would rationalize and chat through, and where "pregnant" Erica flies off the deep end. This pregnancy has definitely been the hardest.  I'm a stay at home Mom, also working, we have three sons, it's a lot! So, those factors alone, minus the pregnancy I think are tiring!

Last week, it was Friday, so I was exhausted.  End of a work week, want to wind down.  Now mind you, this was also the week that I blogged about how difficult my oldest sons attitude had been (for the record, he has been amazing this week, my favorite Connor has returned. God is so amazing and provides every little thing we need. This week on my fb feed, almost all the Christian groups I follow, posted stuff on dealing with attitudes in young boys and the hormonal changes and other stuff little boys experience.  Was just beautiful that He provided that for me all week so I could be better for Connors needs)  Anyways, sorry for the tangent, but I was EXHAUSTED.  I watch three children during the day in addition to my three sons.  It's wonderful but is a little extra exhausting right now because I'm in my third trimester and don't want to move.   All you mama's I'm sure can relate.  ;)   But, this night, I flew off my rocker the worst I ever have before.  It's somewhat of a blur that's how emotional I was.  It was a busy day, and I didn't get to prepare dinner. .  Well, I did, but only the chicken.  I threw some breaded chicken in the oven and did not think about sides.  So, raw carrots with ranch dressing and salad it was. (for me and the boys). My husband decided to make his own sides and this threw me over.  Yes, see, most "normal" people would have no problem with that.  But, I got upset because I felt my dinner was sufficient for all and wanted us to just sit as a family and sit in peace. (haha no no, that doesn't exist at our dinners).   So, more words flew in the air, I got upset and broke one of my favorite glasses mind you, in the sink (that's how I KNEW this wasn't ME because "normal" Erica wouldn't let anything happen to this glass).  And the worst part of all, (yes, besides the glass), the boys were right there.  EHHHHH. 
Worst Mama fail ever.  I felt like a failure all over the place.  I failed at dinner, I failed my husband, I failed at being a good wife in general as well as a good house wife, I failed my children, I flat out failed at life this evening.  It was absolutely awful.  I was very overwhelmed to say the least.  

So, the rest of the weekend, was quiet between me and the hubs because who knows, he could have simply said my hair was long and I would throw something at him.  I was chatting with a friend at church on Sunday about it because I was just so upset.  We are designed to share our lives with ones that have no idea what is going on or can truly relate to hormones.  I told her I think it's so we seek Jesus more, which boy did I ever this weekend. I was upset at my actions, but I was more upset at the fact that these hormones actually controlled me.  I always wondered about postpartum depression.  It just baffled me because I'm like, they have a beautiful new little baby, life is beautiful, but there in turn, you forget or don't know how strong hormones can be and all the external factors that us Moms go through.  I get it now. Their marriages, if they have other children they are raising, work.  Just a lot of factors that I think are overlooked for Mom's too often. 
For instance, for me, I had the stress of my day, then the not getting dinner on the table well enough (this is my mind talking, not my husbands or children), I was physically and mentally exhausted, I'm sure my children were saying something about the chicken being yucky, at least one of the three had to be, probably my little vegan Nathan. I was just pushed up against a door and felt so unappreciated and overlooked.  Again, me talking and "thinking". 

And another bad part (yes, they keep coming!!), my sister in law had texted me this same day asking if I'd like her to come over so we can have a date night.  I declined because this was the week of Connor's attitude and I actually wanted to have one on one time with him.  Epic fail right there.  You live and learn right? 

 The rest of the weekend I just felt "gray".  That's the only way I can describe it.  I didn't feel like me.  I felt like I was on the mend.  I must have been producing a wild batch of some new "girl" hormones (these are new too me) and they completely took over in a total PMS x1000 type of way.  I did apologize to our boys.  We all make mistakes, absolutely.  We all have bad days.  We all get emotional.  We all have hormones.  BUT, as a Mom and the one who cares for our children the sole majority of the time, it is responsibility to be a good example and role model for our children and I definitely failed.  The wonderful thing about family and husbands, Grace and forgiveness.  I think the boys were just as shocked as I was! But, I apologized to them the same way I'd want them to apologize for unacceptable behavior.  I didn't treat their Dad with respect, nor our home.  Yes, I can chalk it up to hormones, and Lord knows after praying literally all weekend and just reading and listening to worship music, I think my sole prayer was to just level out!  After a nice nap on Sunday, must needed rest, I finally started to feel normal and so did our home :)  
This week has been great.  And as many saw via fb, my husband and I got that date night.  Much NEEDED date night.  

I'm not really sure what my encouragement would be this blog around.  I feel for you Mom's and all the emotional break downs, irrational and rational, that come with pregnancy.  It's not easy, especially if you are also raising a family at the same time.  There's not much time for yourself anymore.  My encouragement would be to ask for help from your husband.   I think part of the reason I "fell off", was I was just doing too much.  Normal Erica could handle it, Normal Erica loves it to be honest.  But, Pregnant Erica needs help and I guess don't be afraid to ask for it.  I know what your thinking, you don't think you should have to ask your husband for help. haha.  I've said this many time.  But, as my husband has told me, many many times, men need to be asked and they will have no problem stepping up.  I definitely struggle in the aspect of asking others for help.  Especially my husband for some reason because he has a long commute and works all day.  I get he's tired too.  But, in my case right now, it's a little different, I'm carrying his fourth baby right? ;)  I like to be the one to help others, be there and do things for other people, but don't like to be on the receiving end and that's not fair to myself or other's giving hearts.  So, just simply ask for help and you'll be blessed!  This is exactly where God has you. PS.  Put your marriage first!

My Joy was lost for a moment

This is my Life: My Joy was Lost for a Moment

Let's just say I have no idea what I'm doing.  Our six year old is our easy one. He's our sweet, kind, loving, caring, obedient child.  Yes, he has slip ups, all children do, if he didn't, I'd also be confused.  But, nothing major!  Where has my child gone????

That's all I kept saying this morning "Where has my Connor gone and can you please bring him back?"

That was (as was everything else this morning), followed by a disrespectful response from my oldest son. He's SIX!  We had a good run, I'll say that if we need to find some silver lining. (which I do)

If this was an uncommon occurrence, I'd leave it up to a bad nights sleep and crankiness. We all get those days for sure! But, it's not. 

Keeping my patience and my speech in return, in line, is one of the hardest "skills" for me as a Mom.  I use "skills" in quotes because it has definitely been a learned behavior for me.  I have to continually pray to Jesus in these moments and ask that He controls me because I KNOW I can't do it alone. 

My son tells me this morning that he "saves his respectful good behavior for school".  I told him that is not fair. As much as I love that you are respectful and obedient at school, the same needs to happen in our home.  "This is your family and we love you, we want to have happy moments with you, not continuous moments of correction".  He looks at me with a snide look.   The looks are HALF the battle let me tell you.  This boy can say so much with his face, it's ridiculous.

I remember I thought three was the hardest age.  They always said terrible twos!  But three was definitely our hardest with both our oldest and middle and oh no! Who knows with our youngest.  But it's a different kind of hard.  Three tests boundaries, and with boys, I have found it's more of a physical defiance than a defiance of hurting with their words.  For instance, our youngest diving off our bed and ruining his gorgeous teeth (Yes, baby teeth, but still!) climbing on EVERYTHING and anything, being too aggressive with their brothers, breaking windows, or anything for that matter. (Keep in mind, I haven't raised a girl yet! They just seem more verbally defiant earlier on rather than feel the need to destroy! ) But, at six, they can hurt with their words. 

I was just so discouraged this morning.  I don't like looking at any of my children with a long feeling of disappointment.  I don't get where we are going wrong?  Or if we are going wrong?  Is it outside influences?  I don't think so because we get amazing reports on all our children.  Are my husband and I being not being good examples? Are we not disciplining appropriately?  Does my son feel lost? Does he not feel heard?  Why is he frustrated?  We are a happy family, He is a happy boy, we have fun together, we love each other., most importantly we love Jesus.   I don't get what is happening.  These were my flooded emotions this morning.

I feel like the whole ride I just prayed for clarity on how to help him (and me) as well as safe travels because the roads were not great this morning.  The car ride he was fine.  That's what gets so confusing.  

One moment he's saying I should have asked to use his humidifier last night ( I know right, I literally had to explain to him how Dad and I bought the humidifier to help him during the winter and that it's actually ours and we are using it to care for HIM, but our room was really dry.  Oiy! deep breaths )  The next we're laughing at the fact that I had to try five different streets to get up to Jamison's school this morning in the snow.  It seems like it's a battle for authority and thinking he's far older than he actually is. Yes, I've heard this and many parents would say it's very common.  Have I mentioned I strongly dislike "common".  lol

I will say this.  I am so blessed by the community of Mom's I have.  I love so much that I can vent to some of my other Mom's from church and they support me, encourage me, sympathize with me.  Here are some things they said this morning.  

"I find six to be a challenge too.  Lots of correcting attitude and trying to reach their heart.  My prayer the past few weeks is for God to show me how to teach, love and speak life into (her sons) life so His fruit will shine through. Sometimes I feel like I don't see the fruit at all and instead I see and hear lots of attitude.  It truly is a daily battle. ..You are not alone".  --

I'm not alone.  I'm not alone.  I'm not ruining my child's life?  PHEW!  In these tough parenting moments, that is how I feel.  I feel lost and alone.  Especially with your first, you have no idea what you are doing!  Everything is a new experience.  

"It will get better by 9! 6-8 was tough, he (her son), definitely still has his moments, but keep plugging and being intentional and you will see fruit"   "Parenting is hard no matter what age, and it's VERY discouraging at times, but God is faithful :) "

That leaves me another three years dear friend!!! haha.  But, at least there is a light.  Here's the thing, I have an amazing son.  He is a joy in so many different ways, I think that's why this season of his life hurts more because I know what is truly in there. We have seen his true heart, we know his love and desire to love Jesus.  The other night, we were having an issue with our water heater and as Connor was praying at bedtime, he prayed for help fixing the stuff that is broken. His heart is so big.  To just continue to make it shine through, it's just a tough tough time. P.S.  The water heater was fine the next day! 

"The more I chat with parents of kids of all ages (0-25) the more I realize it never gets easier! The challenges just change.  Good thing God equipped us with what we need to train them up in His ways!

I told her as I was chatting with Jesus this morning under my breathe, making their lunches, I kept saying to Him, I know you trust me with this little boy, but please control MY emotions. Show me how to love this little boy through this little boy that is talking to be right now.  That's a huge part of the problem.  I get emotionally involved (well yah, what Mom doesn't???), but to separate myself from myself and be all he needs in those tough moments, that's where I need my Jesus to equip me in loving "our" child.  

There was much more encouragement that came my way and it helped clear my head from the lies that we were being put there. 

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. {John 10:10}"


I have to keep telling myself to listen to the One who gives us our Joy, Gives us our life, not the one who is trying to point out my flaws, make me feel awful, getting me more upset at my son, putting a wall up, and stealing my motherhood. Sorry! That's not going to happen.  I'm a happy happy (yes sometimes annoyingly) person,  this is all I've ever prayed for and wanted was to be a Mom and Regardless of how hard it is, I will do all I can to get that beautiful smile back on my sons face and joy shining in his heart.  

So some encouragement for you parents out there.  If you are feeling this way, if you are having a battle of the attitudes in your home, you are not alone, you are not a bad parent.  YOU GOT THIS.  Press into HIS word and all the strength, patience, love and wisdom you need is there for you.   that's also for me too :) :)