How to Train your Hormones

This is my Life: How to Train your Hormones

So, lately via my posts on fb, I'm sure you know I'm a little obsessed with How to Train Your Dragon 2.  Yes, it's that good that I'm going to write an entire blog about it!  Just kidding ;)  Although I probably could.  This movie makes me cry almost every time, que hormone topic.

I'm on the home stretch of my fourth pregnancy.  Technically my fifth pregnancy, but fourth viable full pregnancy :)  I think the more you go through things, the more experience you incur, you notice much more each time.  For instance, how I have this beautiful baby girl growing inside of me, taking up all the little room we've got left together and the hormones that are helping her grow into her little beautiful baby self, are making me realize how different Pregnant Erica is from Normal Erica.  

You think I'd have it all figured out.  I will say, yes, I noticed my hormones through each pregnancy.  You know the wonderful men we share our lives with and the ones who helped make these little muffins? Well they are the ones who get to experience us in full effect.  For better or for worse right, in sickness and in health?

In fact, each pregnancy for me, has had different external factors, that have, I think played a large role in my the effects my hormones have outwardly.  For instance, ha, now thinking it might not be factual, but my husbands and I's greatest disagreements with each other have always been when I'm pregnant.  So, que the hormones.  When I'm not pregnant, we're pretty special and an awesome team! When I am pregnant, he can say a small thing that "normal Erica" would rationalize and chat through, and where "pregnant" Erica flies off the deep end. This pregnancy has definitely been the hardest.  I'm a stay at home Mom, also working, we have three sons, it's a lot! So, those factors alone, minus the pregnancy I think are tiring!

Last week, it was Friday, so I was exhausted.  End of a work week, want to wind down.  Now mind you, this was also the week that I blogged about how difficult my oldest sons attitude had been (for the record, he has been amazing this week, my favorite Connor has returned. God is so amazing and provides every little thing we need. This week on my fb feed, almost all the Christian groups I follow, posted stuff on dealing with attitudes in young boys and the hormonal changes and other stuff little boys experience.  Was just beautiful that He provided that for me all week so I could be better for Connors needs)  Anyways, sorry for the tangent, but I was EXHAUSTED.  I watch three children during the day in addition to my three sons.  It's wonderful but is a little extra exhausting right now because I'm in my third trimester and don't want to move.   All you mama's I'm sure can relate.  ;)   But, this night, I flew off my rocker the worst I ever have before.  It's somewhat of a blur that's how emotional I was.  It was a busy day, and I didn't get to prepare dinner. .  Well, I did, but only the chicken.  I threw some breaded chicken in the oven and did not think about sides.  So, raw carrots with ranch dressing and salad it was. (for me and the boys). My husband decided to make his own sides and this threw me over.  Yes, see, most "normal" people would have no problem with that.  But, I got upset because I felt my dinner was sufficient for all and wanted us to just sit as a family and sit in peace. (haha no no, that doesn't exist at our dinners).   So, more words flew in the air, I got upset and broke one of my favorite glasses mind you, in the sink (that's how I KNEW this wasn't ME because "normal" Erica wouldn't let anything happen to this glass).  And the worst part of all, (yes, besides the glass), the boys were right there.  EHHHHH. 
Worst Mama fail ever.  I felt like a failure all over the place.  I failed at dinner, I failed my husband, I failed at being a good wife in general as well as a good house wife, I failed my children, I flat out failed at life this evening.  It was absolutely awful.  I was very overwhelmed to say the least.  

So, the rest of the weekend, was quiet between me and the hubs because who knows, he could have simply said my hair was long and I would throw something at him.  I was chatting with a friend at church on Sunday about it because I was just so upset.  We are designed to share our lives with ones that have no idea what is going on or can truly relate to hormones.  I told her I think it's so we seek Jesus more, which boy did I ever this weekend. I was upset at my actions, but I was more upset at the fact that these hormones actually controlled me.  I always wondered about postpartum depression.  It just baffled me because I'm like, they have a beautiful new little baby, life is beautiful, but there in turn, you forget or don't know how strong hormones can be and all the external factors that us Moms go through.  I get it now. Their marriages, if they have other children they are raising, work.  Just a lot of factors that I think are overlooked for Mom's too often. 
For instance, for me, I had the stress of my day, then the not getting dinner on the table well enough (this is my mind talking, not my husbands or children), I was physically and mentally exhausted, I'm sure my children were saying something about the chicken being yucky, at least one of the three had to be, probably my little vegan Nathan. I was just pushed up against a door and felt so unappreciated and overlooked.  Again, me talking and "thinking". 

And another bad part (yes, they keep coming!!), my sister in law had texted me this same day asking if I'd like her to come over so we can have a date night.  I declined because this was the week of Connor's attitude and I actually wanted to have one on one time with him.  Epic fail right there.  You live and learn right? 

 The rest of the weekend I just felt "gray".  That's the only way I can describe it.  I didn't feel like me.  I felt like I was on the mend.  I must have been producing a wild batch of some new "girl" hormones (these are new too me) and they completely took over in a total PMS x1000 type of way.  I did apologize to our boys.  We all make mistakes, absolutely.  We all have bad days.  We all get emotional.  We all have hormones.  BUT, as a Mom and the one who cares for our children the sole majority of the time, it is responsibility to be a good example and role model for our children and I definitely failed.  The wonderful thing about family and husbands, Grace and forgiveness.  I think the boys were just as shocked as I was! But, I apologized to them the same way I'd want them to apologize for unacceptable behavior.  I didn't treat their Dad with respect, nor our home.  Yes, I can chalk it up to hormones, and Lord knows after praying literally all weekend and just reading and listening to worship music, I think my sole prayer was to just level out!  After a nice nap on Sunday, must needed rest, I finally started to feel normal and so did our home :)  
This week has been great.  And as many saw via fb, my husband and I got that date night.  Much NEEDED date night.  

I'm not really sure what my encouragement would be this blog around.  I feel for you Mom's and all the emotional break downs, irrational and rational, that come with pregnancy.  It's not easy, especially if you are also raising a family at the same time.  There's not much time for yourself anymore.  My encouragement would be to ask for help from your husband.   I think part of the reason I "fell off", was I was just doing too much.  Normal Erica could handle it, Normal Erica loves it to be honest.  But, Pregnant Erica needs help and I guess don't be afraid to ask for it.  I know what your thinking, you don't think you should have to ask your husband for help. haha.  I've said this many time.  But, as my husband has told me, many many times, men need to be asked and they will have no problem stepping up.  I definitely struggle in the aspect of asking others for help.  Especially my husband for some reason because he has a long commute and works all day.  I get he's tired too.  But, in my case right now, it's a little different, I'm carrying his fourth baby right? ;)  I like to be the one to help others, be there and do things for other people, but don't like to be on the receiving end and that's not fair to myself or other's giving hearts.  So, just simply ask for help and you'll be blessed!  This is exactly where God has you. PS.  Put your marriage first!