How to Train your Hormones

This is my Life: How to Train your Hormones

So, lately via my posts on fb, I'm sure you know I'm a little obsessed with How to Train Your Dragon 2.  Yes, it's that good that I'm going to write an entire blog about it!  Just kidding ;)  Although I probably could.  This movie makes me cry almost every time, que hormone topic.

I'm on the home stretch of my fourth pregnancy.  Technically my fifth pregnancy, but fourth viable full pregnancy :)  I think the more you go through things, the more experience you incur, you notice much more each time.  For instance, how I have this beautiful baby girl growing inside of me, taking up all the little room we've got left together and the hormones that are helping her grow into her little beautiful baby self, are making me realize how different Pregnant Erica is from Normal Erica.  

You think I'd have it all figured out.  I will say, yes, I noticed my hormones through each pregnancy.  You know the wonderful men we share our lives with and the ones who helped make these little muffins? Well they are the ones who get to experience us in full effect.  For better or for worse right, in sickness and in health?

In fact, each pregnancy for me, has had different external factors, that have, I think played a large role in my the effects my hormones have outwardly.  For instance, ha, now thinking it might not be factual, but my husbands and I's greatest disagreements with each other have always been when I'm pregnant.  So, que the hormones.  When I'm not pregnant, we're pretty special and an awesome team! When I am pregnant, he can say a small thing that "normal Erica" would rationalize and chat through, and where "pregnant" Erica flies off the deep end. This pregnancy has definitely been the hardest.  I'm a stay at home Mom, also working, we have three sons, it's a lot! So, those factors alone, minus the pregnancy I think are tiring!

Last week, it was Friday, so I was exhausted.  End of a work week, want to wind down.  Now mind you, this was also the week that I blogged about how difficult my oldest sons attitude had been (for the record, he has been amazing this week, my favorite Connor has returned. God is so amazing and provides every little thing we need. This week on my fb feed, almost all the Christian groups I follow, posted stuff on dealing with attitudes in young boys and the hormonal changes and other stuff little boys experience.  Was just beautiful that He provided that for me all week so I could be better for Connors needs)  Anyways, sorry for the tangent, but I was EXHAUSTED.  I watch three children during the day in addition to my three sons.  It's wonderful but is a little extra exhausting right now because I'm in my third trimester and don't want to move.   All you mama's I'm sure can relate.  ;)   But, this night, I flew off my rocker the worst I ever have before.  It's somewhat of a blur that's how emotional I was.  It was a busy day, and I didn't get to prepare dinner. .  Well, I did, but only the chicken.  I threw some breaded chicken in the oven and did not think about sides.  So, raw carrots with ranch dressing and salad it was. (for me and the boys). My husband decided to make his own sides and this threw me over.  Yes, see, most "normal" people would have no problem with that.  But, I got upset because I felt my dinner was sufficient for all and wanted us to just sit as a family and sit in peace. (haha no no, that doesn't exist at our dinners).   So, more words flew in the air, I got upset and broke one of my favorite glasses mind you, in the sink (that's how I KNEW this wasn't ME because "normal" Erica wouldn't let anything happen to this glass).  And the worst part of all, (yes, besides the glass), the boys were right there.  EHHHHH. 
Worst Mama fail ever.  I felt like a failure all over the place.  I failed at dinner, I failed my husband, I failed at being a good wife in general as well as a good house wife, I failed my children, I flat out failed at life this evening.  It was absolutely awful.  I was very overwhelmed to say the least.  

So, the rest of the weekend, was quiet between me and the hubs because who knows, he could have simply said my hair was long and I would throw something at him.  I was chatting with a friend at church on Sunday about it because I was just so upset.  We are designed to share our lives with ones that have no idea what is going on or can truly relate to hormones.  I told her I think it's so we seek Jesus more, which boy did I ever this weekend. I was upset at my actions, but I was more upset at the fact that these hormones actually controlled me.  I always wondered about postpartum depression.  It just baffled me because I'm like, they have a beautiful new little baby, life is beautiful, but there in turn, you forget or don't know how strong hormones can be and all the external factors that us Moms go through.  I get it now. Their marriages, if they have other children they are raising, work.  Just a lot of factors that I think are overlooked for Mom's too often. 
For instance, for me, I had the stress of my day, then the not getting dinner on the table well enough (this is my mind talking, not my husbands or children), I was physically and mentally exhausted, I'm sure my children were saying something about the chicken being yucky, at least one of the three had to be, probably my little vegan Nathan. I was just pushed up against a door and felt so unappreciated and overlooked.  Again, me talking and "thinking". 

And another bad part (yes, they keep coming!!), my sister in law had texted me this same day asking if I'd like her to come over so we can have a date night.  I declined because this was the week of Connor's attitude and I actually wanted to have one on one time with him.  Epic fail right there.  You live and learn right? 

 The rest of the weekend I just felt "gray".  That's the only way I can describe it.  I didn't feel like me.  I felt like I was on the mend.  I must have been producing a wild batch of some new "girl" hormones (these are new too me) and they completely took over in a total PMS x1000 type of way.  I did apologize to our boys.  We all make mistakes, absolutely.  We all have bad days.  We all get emotional.  We all have hormones.  BUT, as a Mom and the one who cares for our children the sole majority of the time, it is responsibility to be a good example and role model for our children and I definitely failed.  The wonderful thing about family and husbands, Grace and forgiveness.  I think the boys were just as shocked as I was! But, I apologized to them the same way I'd want them to apologize for unacceptable behavior.  I didn't treat their Dad with respect, nor our home.  Yes, I can chalk it up to hormones, and Lord knows after praying literally all weekend and just reading and listening to worship music, I think my sole prayer was to just level out!  After a nice nap on Sunday, must needed rest, I finally started to feel normal and so did our home :)  
This week has been great.  And as many saw via fb, my husband and I got that date night.  Much NEEDED date night.  

I'm not really sure what my encouragement would be this blog around.  I feel for you Mom's and all the emotional break downs, irrational and rational, that come with pregnancy.  It's not easy, especially if you are also raising a family at the same time.  There's not much time for yourself anymore.  My encouragement would be to ask for help from your husband.   I think part of the reason I "fell off", was I was just doing too much.  Normal Erica could handle it, Normal Erica loves it to be honest.  But, Pregnant Erica needs help and I guess don't be afraid to ask for it.  I know what your thinking, you don't think you should have to ask your husband for help. haha.  I've said this many time.  But, as my husband has told me, many many times, men need to be asked and they will have no problem stepping up.  I definitely struggle in the aspect of asking others for help.  Especially my husband for some reason because he has a long commute and works all day.  I get he's tired too.  But, in my case right now, it's a little different, I'm carrying his fourth baby right? ;)  I like to be the one to help others, be there and do things for other people, but don't like to be on the receiving end and that's not fair to myself or other's giving hearts.  So, just simply ask for help and you'll be blessed!  This is exactly where God has you. PS.  Put your marriage first!

My Joy was lost for a moment

This is my Life: My Joy was Lost for a Moment

Let's just say I have no idea what I'm doing.  Our six year old is our easy one. He's our sweet, kind, loving, caring, obedient child.  Yes, he has slip ups, all children do, if he didn't, I'd also be confused.  But, nothing major!  Where has my child gone????

That's all I kept saying this morning "Where has my Connor gone and can you please bring him back?"

That was (as was everything else this morning), followed by a disrespectful response from my oldest son. He's SIX!  We had a good run, I'll say that if we need to find some silver lining. (which I do)

If this was an uncommon occurrence, I'd leave it up to a bad nights sleep and crankiness. We all get those days for sure! But, it's not. 

Keeping my patience and my speech in return, in line, is one of the hardest "skills" for me as a Mom.  I use "skills" in quotes because it has definitely been a learned behavior for me.  I have to continually pray to Jesus in these moments and ask that He controls me because I KNOW I can't do it alone. 

My son tells me this morning that he "saves his respectful good behavior for school".  I told him that is not fair. As much as I love that you are respectful and obedient at school, the same needs to happen in our home.  "This is your family and we love you, we want to have happy moments with you, not continuous moments of correction".  He looks at me with a snide look.   The looks are HALF the battle let me tell you.  This boy can say so much with his face, it's ridiculous.

I remember I thought three was the hardest age.  They always said terrible twos!  But three was definitely our hardest with both our oldest and middle and oh no! Who knows with our youngest.  But it's a different kind of hard.  Three tests boundaries, and with boys, I have found it's more of a physical defiance than a defiance of hurting with their words.  For instance, our youngest diving off our bed and ruining his gorgeous teeth (Yes, baby teeth, but still!) climbing on EVERYTHING and anything, being too aggressive with their brothers, breaking windows, or anything for that matter. (Keep in mind, I haven't raised a girl yet! They just seem more verbally defiant earlier on rather than feel the need to destroy! ) But, at six, they can hurt with their words. 

I was just so discouraged this morning.  I don't like looking at any of my children with a long feeling of disappointment.  I don't get where we are going wrong?  Or if we are going wrong?  Is it outside influences?  I don't think so because we get amazing reports on all our children.  Are my husband and I being not being good examples? Are we not disciplining appropriately?  Does my son feel lost? Does he not feel heard?  Why is he frustrated?  We are a happy family, He is a happy boy, we have fun together, we love each other., most importantly we love Jesus.   I don't get what is happening.  These were my flooded emotions this morning.

I feel like the whole ride I just prayed for clarity on how to help him (and me) as well as safe travels because the roads were not great this morning.  The car ride he was fine.  That's what gets so confusing.  

One moment he's saying I should have asked to use his humidifier last night ( I know right, I literally had to explain to him how Dad and I bought the humidifier to help him during the winter and that it's actually ours and we are using it to care for HIM, but our room was really dry.  Oiy! deep breaths )  The next we're laughing at the fact that I had to try five different streets to get up to Jamison's school this morning in the snow.  It seems like it's a battle for authority and thinking he's far older than he actually is. Yes, I've heard this and many parents would say it's very common.  Have I mentioned I strongly dislike "common".  lol

I will say this.  I am so blessed by the community of Mom's I have.  I love so much that I can vent to some of my other Mom's from church and they support me, encourage me, sympathize with me.  Here are some things they said this morning.  

"I find six to be a challenge too.  Lots of correcting attitude and trying to reach their heart.  My prayer the past few weeks is for God to show me how to teach, love and speak life into (her sons) life so His fruit will shine through. Sometimes I feel like I don't see the fruit at all and instead I see and hear lots of attitude.  It truly is a daily battle. ..You are not alone".  --

I'm not alone.  I'm not alone.  I'm not ruining my child's life?  PHEW!  In these tough parenting moments, that is how I feel.  I feel lost and alone.  Especially with your first, you have no idea what you are doing!  Everything is a new experience.  

"It will get better by 9! 6-8 was tough, he (her son), definitely still has his moments, but keep plugging and being intentional and you will see fruit"   "Parenting is hard no matter what age, and it's VERY discouraging at times, but God is faithful :) "

That leaves me another three years dear friend!!! haha.  But, at least there is a light.  Here's the thing, I have an amazing son.  He is a joy in so many different ways, I think that's why this season of his life hurts more because I know what is truly in there. We have seen his true heart, we know his love and desire to love Jesus.  The other night, we were having an issue with our water heater and as Connor was praying at bedtime, he prayed for help fixing the stuff that is broken. His heart is so big.  To just continue to make it shine through, it's just a tough tough time. P.S.  The water heater was fine the next day! 

"The more I chat with parents of kids of all ages (0-25) the more I realize it never gets easier! The challenges just change.  Good thing God equipped us with what we need to train them up in His ways!

I told her as I was chatting with Jesus this morning under my breathe, making their lunches, I kept saying to Him, I know you trust me with this little boy, but please control MY emotions. Show me how to love this little boy through this little boy that is talking to be right now.  That's a huge part of the problem.  I get emotionally involved (well yah, what Mom doesn't???), but to separate myself from myself and be all he needs in those tough moments, that's where I need my Jesus to equip me in loving "our" child.  

There was much more encouragement that came my way and it helped clear my head from the lies that we were being put there. 

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. {John 10:10}"


I have to keep telling myself to listen to the One who gives us our Joy, Gives us our life, not the one who is trying to point out my flaws, make me feel awful, getting me more upset at my son, putting a wall up, and stealing my motherhood. Sorry! That's not going to happen.  I'm a happy happy (yes sometimes annoyingly) person,  this is all I've ever prayed for and wanted was to be a Mom and Regardless of how hard it is, I will do all I can to get that beautiful smile back on my sons face and joy shining in his heart.  

So some encouragement for you parents out there.  If you are feeling this way, if you are having a battle of the attitudes in your home, you are not alone, you are not a bad parent.  YOU GOT THIS.  Press into HIS word and all the strength, patience, love and wisdom you need is there for you.   that's also for me too :) :)